Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Pride... The barer of anger...

One more quick post for the day. I've posted before on a character quality that I'm trying to improve on in my life. Humility. Well one of the things I have to overcome in order to show humility would be pride and it's products one of which is anger. I never thought of my self of being prideful until I searched for humility in my life. Well for the past several weeks the LORD has been working in me for this goal. For me to be humble though I need to allow myself to be "subdued" to the will of GOD. Well pride doesn't allow you to be subdued, pride resists, pride claims authority. Well I've been doing ok in this, my wife and I are enjoying a more open relationship because of this realization that my wants and will are not meant to be a control over my wifes wants and will. Pride would say "me first" and "who is she to tell me". Humility allows room for her to be what God made her to be, my help meet. Anyway, the guys at the rehab clinic would call this a relapse... There was an incident last week, notice I didn't put this on my blessings post from a couple of hours ago, where pride came rolling back in but in a new way that I wasn't prepared for. It happened Friday afternoon, I got home early and was really tired. I had been working allot of overtime and have been running around trying to get our facility in shape for a semiannual inspection. So when I got home I was really wanting to rest. About every other Friday there is an auction here in town, we like to go usually but I was beat. So I let Jamie go by herself and I was going to "watch" the kids. I say "watch" because I was going to let Gage watch them in his room while I lounged around and rested. Well I never could take a nap but I tried. Chloe, bless her heart, was so excited about taking care of daddy again that she would ask every so often if she could go cook supper. Finally she came out one too many times for this proud man and I got testy with her and she went back to her brothers room, shutting the door behind her... I want to stop here and state that this is where I should have repented but didn't... The door closed with some force but not like she was meaning to. One thing though... It closed soundly on Rissy's finger. The sound of the door closing with the screeching of pain from our lil' one scared me... my first thought was that she lost a finger. PRIDE. I had no control over the situation and it scared me, I was scared angry. I wasn't really mad at Chloe, she didn't know or mean too. I was angry because an authority my pride created in me had been insulted and ignored. Of course I don't have control over that kinda thing, it's not my authority to decide whether or not a child's hand is in a door at that specific time. But my pride said it should be, and it produced an anger in me that scared my children to tears. This isn't all bad though, while I may have failed in how I responded to that situation, I immediately sought forgiveness from my children individually, told them where daddy failed and that it wasn't their fault. A few months ago my pride would have claimed my angry outburst as a victory and moved on. Growing into the Image of Christ. Ephesians 4:11-15

1 comment:

Modest Mama said...

I understand, brother, I've been there to many times. Praying for you!